Posts tagged quality

Bathroom Review: VAPA (Upstairs Dance Solo)

Quality bathroom. Even more quality shots. Today I utilized the slant technique of photography, making my photos more edgy and interesting. This bathroom is furnished with an edgy toilet, and edgy sink, and a very edgy lack of space. Fire safety flasher alarm thing is next to the door and helps to remind you that there is a fire somewhere other than where you are, unless you already know. The lights are operated by a classic switch mechanism, something not usually found on campus. Most bathrooms subscribe to timed motion-sensor lights. There are like 1,000 tiles in this room. The edgy paper dispenser does just what you’d think it would. Be edgy. There is and outlet between the toilet and the sink, which accommodates those who enjoy to “surf-n-squat.” Someone put a Minecraft sticker in the top corner of the room! No one can reach that! What a comedian. Quality comedy.

Safety: 7 out of 10
Comfort: 8 out of 10
Design: 6 out of 10 
Expectations: Exceeded 

Be the best you wish you could be if you are!
-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: Perkins (Downstairs Public)

Quality bathroom. I am very familiar with this bathroom since Perkins used to be my living house. The house that I lived in. A quality place with quality people. Always has been always will be. Naturally, the quality people have a quality bathroom. This is the only bathroom in Perkins with a bathtub, making it very sought after. Bath connoisseurs come from all over Perkins to use. It also has a useful removable spout. Now we’re talkin! Some woman’s face is between the mirrors but do not be deceived! It is not you! It is not a mirror! There is a bike in the bathroom. This is because there was no spots left to park bikes outside. I had to improvise. There is a fork between the ceiling vent… thing… and the bathroom stall wall. Why is there a fork between the ceiling vent… thing… and the bathroom stall wall? How am I supposed to deal with this fork between the ceiling vent… thing… and the bathroom stall wall? This job can be draining. Showers have drains.

Safety:  out of 10
Comfort: 8 out of 10
Design: 6 out of 10 
Eco-friendlyness: Ya. Bikes.

Help me help you.
-Alex BG

Bathroom Editorial: Frequently Asked Question
As Bennington’s only bathroom critic I receive a lot of questions about myself, the bathrooms I review, and their inherent quality. Here are some of the most frequently asked questions (FAQ’s) I receive:
How we’re you first introduced to this business?I’ve been using bathrooms since I was a child. The only time I was unfamiliar with the concept of a bathroom was when one was strapped to me 24-7 as a baby. I quickly realized its use and promptly reviewed it. It was at that moment I realized my calling. Next question.
Have you ever been to the bathroom in another country?No. I make very sure to not use the bathroom in other countries. The idea of outsourcing our toilets does not sit well with me. This is the reason all of my vacations only last three days long. Next question.
Have you ever been to a bathroom you didn’t like?Yes. The floor. That’s why I do what I do. Next question.
Do you have a favorite bathroom?Every bathroom is different. If I chose a favorite it will receive more attention than another. We can’t have that! Then there will be a line outside the bathroom! The bathroom would just be too time consuming for me to use. This is why my ratings of the bathrooms are completely random. Because I think ahead. Next question.
How long does it usually take to write the reviews?About a week. The pictures take about an hour each. Every picture is framed precisely to include what I want to take a picture of. This usually takes the whole day since each review requires 8-10 pictures. The writing starts on Tuesday. I look at each of my pictures, studying what I spent all of the first day doing. Once I have given my photography the attention it deserves I write the title. On Wednesday I usually procrastinate until noon when I write the whole review then delete it because it isn’t good enough. On Thursday I decide the first letter of every sentence I will use in the review. I use this to help me decide how many sentences I want to write. On Friday I party. On Saturday I party harder. On Sunday I finish the dirty deed and set the post to be published in the middle of the week. Next question.
How long did it take you to write this?Three moons. 
Hopefully you all understand more about me as a professional now and I can get some creditability for my work. If you are a fan of my work and you’d like me to know, just use the bathroom. I perform daily bathroom inspections for the entire Bennington campus. Maybe I’ll walk in on you!
This was easy. -Alex BG

Bathroom Editorial: Frequently Asked Question

As Bennington’s only bathroom critic I receive a lot of questions about myself, the bathrooms I review, and their inherent quality. Here are some of the most frequently asked questions (FAQ’s) I receive:

How we’re you first introduced to this business?
I’ve been using bathrooms since I was a child. The only time I was unfamiliar with the concept of a bathroom was when one was strapped to me 24-7 as a baby. I quickly realized its use and promptly reviewed it. It was at that moment I realized my calling. Next question.

Have you ever been to the bathroom in another country?
No. I make very sure to not use the bathroom in other countries. The idea of outsourcing our toilets does not sit well with me. This is the reason all of my vacations only last three days long. Next question.

Have you ever been to a bathroom you didn’t like?
Yes. The floor. That’s why I do what I do. Next question.

Do you have a favorite bathroom?
Every bathroom is different. If I chose a favorite it will receive more attention than another. We can’t have that! Then there will be a line outside the bathroom! The bathroom would just be too time consuming for me to use. This is why my ratings of the bathrooms are completely random. Because I think ahead. Next question.

How long does it usually take to write the reviews?
About a week. The pictures take about an hour each. Every picture is framed precisely to include what I want to take a picture of. This usually takes the whole day since each review requires 8-10 pictures. The writing starts on Tuesday. I look at each of my pictures, studying what I spent all of the first day doing. Once I have given my photography the attention it deserves I write the title. On Wednesday I usually procrastinate until noon when I write the whole review then delete it because it isn’t good enough. On Thursday I decide the first letter of every sentence I will use in the review. I use this to help me decide how many sentences I want to write. On Friday I party. On Saturday I party harder. On Sunday I finish the dirty deed and set the post to be published in the middle of the week. Next question.

How long did it take you to write this?
Three moons. 

Hopefully you all understand more about me as a professional now and I can get some creditability for my work. If you are a fan of my work and you’d like me to know, just use the bathroom. I perform daily bathroom inspections for the entire Bennington campus. Maybe I’ll walk in on you!

This was easy. 
-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: Rec Barn (on the right)

Quality bathroom. To be honest I wasn’t expecting this bathroom to have much quality at all, but as soon as I entered the Rec Barn I was challenged to reach new heights. A motivational poster questioned whether or not I was bad. I am bad. I think I’m bad. Gosh, I dunno. Upon entering the bathroom I was encouraged to bring my own towel. Luckily I had a spare on me. The bathroom itself was furnished with quality. A sink, a toilet, and florescent light filled the space well. Unfortunately they forgot to take the blue tape off of the light when they finished painting it. Minus ten points! A shower is also included next door. There is a corner of the ceiling that is a box. Does that have anything to do with the weird target thing on the ceiling? It’s probably where they keep the extra water. There are tiles everywhere. The lock on the door is a classic button lock. I forgot to check if there was any fire safety stuff or anything but there are bars next to the toilet so… Mirror on door is directly across from mirror above sink. Very useful for looking at the back of your head! Finally! After all these years!

Safety: ? out of 10
Comfort: 5 out of 10
Design: 10 out of 10 
Difficulty Level: Novice

It’s been a while since I’ve had a good toilet joke.
I’ll have to sleep on it…

-Alex BG

Bathroom User Review: Dogs

Quality users. In my bathroom studies here at Bennington have found that a bathroom user affects a bathroom experience just as much as the bathroom’s safety, design, comfort, or quality. It is with this in mind that I am reviewing bathroom users. Today the hot topic is dogs. Dogs are interesting because they put so much effort into not using any sort of bathroom. Cats use litter boxes and humans use bathrooms. Why should dogs stay out of the fun? Dogs have 4 legs (2 more than humans) but no arms. This means they can’t use sinks. Sinks are useless to dogs. They don’t care. They just look away. I have the clever opportunity to interview some dogs myself. After some short e-mails back and fourth I agreed to meet the dogs tied to the fence of the Barn at i’m-bored-of-taking-pictures-of-bathrooms-o’clock sharp. The brown, more outgoing dog was Lola and the multicolored brownish shy dog was Caroline. They gave me their numbers immediately but made it clear off the bat that flirting with them was not okay and that the interview would end immediately if I tried. The situation was tense but I handled it with ease. I asked them what they thought it was about bathrooms that made them want to use grass instead. “They’re disrespectful,” said Lola. “They promote a 2 hand, 2 foot lifestyle, when in reality, plenty of people live fine with 4 feet.” “Woof,” said Caroline (age 8). “Woof bowow woof ahoooohhhhhh!!!” Personally, I believe that what I think is right is right and I believe that toilets are useful. We’re not trying to spread a 2 handed and 2 footed regime. Toilets are just best for us. If dogs want their own bathrooms they’re going to have to grow thumbs fist.

User Rating: 8 out of 10

Best quality is the best.
-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: Jennings (2nd Floor Restroom)

Quality bathroom. Located in Bennington’s music building, Jennings, this bathroom combines students practicing music with other students playing music since it is near the practice rooms. This amounts to a musical mash which assists no one. A little known fact about this bathroom is that its mirror opens up, allowing space for all sorts of fun bathroom things. I know that this is a little know fact because there is nothing in it and it took me ten minutes to pry it open, since it has no handle of any sort. All that the lowly students of Bennington left it was… I don’t honestly know. What is that? Art of some sort? A picture? Letters? They don’t look like any letters i’ve ever seen. The toilet works. Unfortunately, there is no safety in this bathroom. There is no way to let a common bathroom user know that the building that he/she is using the bathroom is on fire! How can we even know if we are on fire?! Everything was great quality. 

Safety: 0 out of 10
Comfort: 8 out of 10
Design: 8 out of 10 
Fire: Are you on it?

Music is important.

-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: Student Center (Womens)

Quality bathroom. Very similar to the mens bathroom, but purple and without wall toilets. Why? Women should be allowed the freedom to pee on a wall just like men! The floor is checkered the same way as it is in the mens bathroom. This is significant.  I’ve never gone in it myself, but i’ve seen pictures. These pictures were caught by local female bathroom user Hala Abubu, who sat down to talk over some of her favorite parts of the bathroom with me. “I’ve never been to a bathroom that catered to my interests as much as this one,” she explained to me in my white Szuki pickup truck. “It has it all. Purple tile, black tile, white tile.” Hala is currently in her fourth term at Bennington. Her plan is entitled “Tiles.” Though I have yet to step foot into the bathroom, I know its overall quality would impress me overall. Thanks.

Safety: 5 out of 10
Comfort: 8 out of 10
Design: 12 out of 10 
Sink: Nope 

Stay secure!

-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: The Barn (Presidential Suite)

Quality bathroom. Often used by Mariko herself. If that isn’t an indicator of quality, I dunno what is. Unfortunately, this bathroom is labeled a “Rest Room.” C’mon, people! I thought this was the 21st century! The bathroom is not time to rest. It is a place to take baths. Bar conveniently located next to toilet in case Mariko needs a drink?  I hung my jacket on a curved hook. Not every bathroom has a closet, but this one does. It is the source of most of the bathroom’s quality. It has everything you need. All the standard bathroom liquids, some extra socks, a magazine with Mariko on the cover (for her?), many vases, and a variety of papers. That’s all I have to say. 

Safety: Secret service out of 10
Comfort: 9 out of 10
Design: 9.9 out of 10 (oooohhh! so close…)
Decisions: Out 

(Note: Bathroom originally made for Liz Coleman. I will not make a scarf joke, Abby.)

-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: CAPA (Faculty Lounge Solo)

Quality bathroom. Designed by the faculty themselves. This bathroom review is in honor of St Patrick’s Day because green. This bathroom is for FACULTY ONLY. It was very difficult to get the necessary permits to enter the faculty lounge, but once I knocked it became apparent that no one ever uses the faculty lounge for anything but coffee anyways so who cares? Green. Sink and extra reflective mirror provided by Duravit: Your #1 Source for Water! I included a look under the hood in for any of you plumbing junkies out there. 250 Toilet Seat Covers included but only one toilet! Please explain?? I noticed that one of the four elusive walls of this rarely found bathroom was completely empty (besides the green) so I have thought of some uses for this wall:
1) Install jukebox? Music is very import!
2) Racquetball? As of now we have no racquetball court on campus, and since all you need to play racquetball is a room, why not this one?
3) More green? Since we already have so much green, why not add some more? Maybe a life sized cutout of Shrek? Maybe just plant some grass? Anything to go green.
4) Demolish? If this wall were demolished it would lead into the rest of CAPA, making the entire building a bathroom. Very useful. Maybe then we can fit the 3 people that the sign is trying to depict into this bathroom. Until then, who knows whether we can accomplish triple use.

Safety: 6 out of 10
Comfort: 8 out of 10
Design: O out of 10
Comfort: 6 out of 10

Don’t pretend!

-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: Dewey (Hump)

Quality bathroom. There’s no need to get defensive. Jeez. Local bathroom users Lucas Farano and Rocco Marten had this to say: “We use this bathroom when we can’t use our bathroom. (breath) It’s the next closest. (breath)” This proves it. Bathroom is in prime real estate location. It is located right across from James and Reilly. This room is kept lit by Panel D BKR 12 and kept safe by Fire Flasher Model Z-2 #9. You can see the Swan upstairs west bathroom from the window. Yahoo! This bathroom has like 30 cubbies or something. Heater is set to 60. Please turn down! Don’t even talk to me about showers today. I am so not in the mood. If you get tired of the regular sink just use the closet sink (conveniently located in the closet), which also contains refills (in case you ran out of bathroom juice) and giraffeiti.  Other than that, everything seems to be about up to code. Quality code, that is. 

Safety: Your job out of 10
Comfort: 8 out of 10
Design: 9 out of 10
Witty joke: None

Please keep it cool.

-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: VAPA (the one on… umm…. across from D207)

Quality bathroom. Before I elaborate on its quality I want to remind you all that Bennington Bathroom Reviews is brought to you by the Bennington Admissions Department, constantly working to make sure no lizard people sneak their way into the college ranks. As far as bathrooms go this is one. It has all the stuff. If you are having trouble finding this bathroom, simply look for its convenient tab in the hallway. There is like 2 of everything! 2 mirrors. 2 toilets. 2 wall toilets. DO NOT Clean brushes or any art supplies in these (2) sinks. There are over 2 tiles in this bathroom. The colors of this bathroom are blue and white (2 colors). Safety is included with a fire flasher in the upper wall and sprinklers for the summer. That’s about it. 

Safety: 8 out of 10
Comfort: not even
Design: 7 out of 10
Astrology Sign: Gemini 

Ain’t no thang.

-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: Tree #1

Quality bathroom. Utilizes the Bennington motto of experimenting with alternative styles of bathroom use, influenced by the minimalist bathrooms of always. Bathroom is located in quality location with access to both snow and grass. This tree extends from the ground by use of stump. As it reaches up to the heavens, the sun provides it with subtle nutrition. Mix that with the nutrients in the soil and the nutrients in water and you’ve got one awesome bathroom tree. It is brownish gray. The tree does not have any heating, which is a minus, but what it lacks in comfort it makes up for in design. Wow. Great design. You can pee anywhere on this thing! The stump is convenient but it can be just as fun to climb it and pee down on things. Tree #1 is located right outside of VAPA and I climbed it and now I cannot get down. Help. I am still up here.

Safety: N/A
Comfort: 4 out of 10
Design: 10 out of 10
Me: Cold

and i have run out of hand sanitizer

-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: Crossett (Downstairs)

Quality bathroom. Man it’s good to be back in the land of the Lincoln. Well it was. Regardless, I had a grate Field Work Term. I worked with Peter Johnson of Johnson and Johnson’s. You can follow them on twitter if you’re in the mood. Regardless, the bathroom was quality. These are pictures of the mens bathroom. I think the womens is the same but im just estimating. I know for sure that they have similar doors. Inside door handle is damaged. For all we know could be Jake the bathroom bandit or time. Door stop let door get close to wall without hitting it. Very useful! Bathroom is furnished with sink that had slight suds in it and a toilet and a wall toilet. Paper towels are located on the east wall above the floor. Bathroom has drain so i think you can use it as a bathtub, too if you leave the sink on. The stalls were green I thought but they look more blue in the pictures. The water in the toilet was blue which is more natural. Safety ventilation provided. Plenty of spaces to read! There is a sign reminding you of the correct opinions of sink use next to the mirror, prompting self reflection. Some vandal has decided to criminalize this holy poster and disrespect alcohol as a sanitizing solution. I will have you know that I carry around a flask of whiskey for hand washing use only. It saves time. Overall still a quality bathroom.

Safety: yes
Comfort: 7 out of 10
Design: 7 out of 10
Quality: you guessed it 

Don’t get polio!

-Alex BG

Bathroom Review: Dewey (Upstairs North)

Quality bathroom. Who even uses this? Stuped people. The facilities are very quality. Safety is one thumbs up. I saw Brian Campion out the window. Ooh. He’s important. There were two showers but I only took a picture of the better one because I am a fan of productive evolution. The shower had cups for I have no idea why. The toilet has been plagued by a hallowed one. Local bathroom user5 Rocco Farano and Lucas V. Marten, who were standing by the light switch, told a story similar to that. “Sometimes it sounds like a woman screaming,” said Farano. “One time I walked in here and the light turned on and then it screamed and I was very startled,” said Lucas. We had the same shoes but not quite the same shoes. Found Flake Away. What is this? Made by Soap and Glory: The Two Things Americans Value Most. Have I mentioned the quality?

Safety: There was a fire alarm out of 10
Comfort: 6 out of 10
Design: 10 out of 10
Wonder Woman: Casted (http://bit.ly/1hylz52

Welcome home :7

-Alex BG

Bathroom Editorial: A Brief Thanksgiving Reflection
Quality holiday. It’s that time of year again. Before we know it we will be eating turkeys and chugging mashed potatoes. Don’t forget the salt! ;)  Regardless of what you know, the season of meals is also the season of frequent bathroom use. This can actually be the toughest time of the year for a bathroom. The stress often causes serious bathroom malfunctions. You may run out of paper, maybe even suds, or maybe there are still darn suds in your sink. Regardless, don’t forget to register to vote. People often forget in this time of year because they are too thankful. Amateur mistake. Get it done. Personally I cannot wait for my whole family to gather for a delicious meal in the bathroom. Every year my pretty great grandma makes her famous sink soup, a delicious and convenient treat for all ages unless you’re too short to reach the sink. So don’t forget: your family has done everything for you. They have raised you and helped you to become who you are. The least you can do for these very important people in you life is make sure that your bathroom is quality. 
Happy Thanks! (turkey emoji) 
-Alex BG

Bathroom Editorial: A Brief Thanksgiving Reflection

Quality holiday. It’s that time of year again. Before we know it we will be eating turkeys and chugging mashed potatoes. Don’t forget the salt! ;)  Regardless of what you know, the season of meals is also the season of frequent bathroom use. This can actually be the toughest time of the year for a bathroom. The stress often causes serious bathroom malfunctions. You may run out of paper, maybe even suds, or maybe there are still darn suds in your sink. Regardless, don’t forget to register to vote. People often forget in this time of year because they are too thankful. Amateur mistake. Get it done. Personally I cannot wait for my whole family to gather for a delicious meal in the bathroom. Every year my pretty great grandma makes her famous sink soup, a delicious and convenient treat for all ages unless you’re too short to reach the sink. So don’t forget: your family has done everything for you. They have raised you and helped you to become who you are. The least you can do for these very important people in you life is make sure that your bathroom is quality. 

Happy Thanks! (turkey emoji) 

-Alex BG